mortality cartographer (beeooll) wrote,
mortality cartographer

flood of consciousness

I'm not sure but things indicate the market is going to go up. I'm not going to throw on a trade because of the weekly and daily time frames kinda sorta pointing down.

This morn the 5,15, and 60 look like they are basing and the daily looks like it might be too... this very moment on critical support.

Frankly, although it looks like the makings of one hell of a profiting opportunity, I'd really just rather sit out and watch it. The market will be there moving as it does and hopefully I'll be in a better position mentally to act later on.

The past two trades, although profitable, really screwed with me. Not the trades really but I started screwing me. I am my worst enemy in that regard.

I'm thinking although it would be nice to make more, it's probably more important that I build back a little confidence in stability before I act again.

With it being at this critical support level the potential for error is too great. I've been really fortunate lately to catch it in a trading range and basically grab fish out of the bucket. My hesitance due to anticipation as of late, etc. I admitedly am unsure of myself and really could use a break.

Yet again I'm writing to convince myself. Partially at least.

I've had a couple of weeks that I might have been working too hard. Last weekend I pretty much just chilled but I stayed up too late and didn't get enough sleep. That has carried on through this week. Productive but not restful... and there certainly has been no peace.

This weekend I need to take my vehicle in for service, get it washed, and past that really nothing. bUUbaaa got the hoox on last weekend and brought me a lil package. I've been excited all week about the new... waiting for the weekend of course.

I need to make room for sleep and meditation this weekend. I really need to quiet my mind.

I've been thinking over the past couple of days about how dramaless my life is... and how amazing it's been. I've had to give up a fuckload to do it but I've gained a fuckload in the process. Yeah, I've got bullshit here and there but who doesn't... It seems to be impossible to live in modern society in all of it's complexities to not have bullshit. Particularly if your well being is contingent upon the dealings of other people. That's ok though... if I pace myself and am able to continue to make progress, hopefully there will be one day while still alive that I no longer have to count on others. Wishing is fun right?

Side note... I could really use some lovin- not the kind of knock boots horizontal tango luvin but that kind of lovin that you both are hanging out, kicked back watching a movie, taking turns laying down w/ head in lap and the other stroking hair. Occasional eye contact met with smiles... hugs, holding, and emotional intimacy. I would really like it if someday in my future contained that type of contact that I could exchange my galvanized not giving a fuck what other people think for letting one person in to my deepest inside and having them recognize that although I'm not perfect, I am beautiful... in that ugly sort of way... or if nothing else, me.

To have the above though takes an investment of time... As much as that choice hurts, even if the option were available... not yet.
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