I hate that I spent this entire week completely non productive at work.
I hate the fact that the economy is crumbling, everyone is laying off, the market is dropping, and I'm stuck in a situation that I, for the life of me, cannot muster up enough motivation or figure out an angle to lie to myself about so I can get something done
I hate that I understand the degree to which I'm responsible because it sure would be really great to be able to be ignorant enough to blame someone else for my bad day.
I hate that I cannot find 85% of the bullshit that many people spend much of their time on appealing enough to make the attempt to amuse myself with.
I hate that after work and on the weekends I only have enough strength for being alone and occasional brief conversations with people that I do appreciate. It's like I have to recharge or something... I only have so much energy and there are a couple of people that I deal with day in and day out coupled with the previously mentioned situation that just suck me fucking dry.
I hate the fact that I've made amazing reprogress with the trading and can't be content with it.
I hate the fact that I feel like I've lost ground with the pursuit of inner peace.
I strongly hate that I didn't get the memo regarding the age I had to start acting like I had a stick twisted sideways in my ass.
I really hate the idea that what I want in a relationship, from what I observe in all of the couples around me now and in the past, is impossible.
I hate the fact that in all my strength I am still weak.
I hate that in all of my weakness I am so strong.