mortality cartographer (beeooll) wrote,
mortality cartographer

This pit that I am in would be overwhelming if it didn't happen to be familiar from quite a while back.

It's been a while since I troughed this low.

I don't want to go to work tomorrow... not in the "damnit, I have to go" type way but closer to the way a guy gets after being bombarded by gunfire. Like a cowed pup seeking refuge.

Did I miss something? This is almost fear. I don't know what of but it's definite... the kind of feeling so powerful that you can sense by smell too. Where the fuck did it come from?

Anxiety- no. Not panic. Maybe it is. But rationally I have nothing to be afraid of.

I watched TV this weekend. I rarely watch television. It was very boring... in a good way though.

But I am afraid. Why am I afraid?

This simply makes no sense.

I don't want to face tomorrow. I want to curl up into a ball.

What's so bad that is planned for tomorrow? Waking and going to work.

Nothing feels real anymore.
It's really so sad.
Everything is a convoluted facade.

I feel like that keyboard that you spilled your coke on that time. After you dried it off, you kept hitting the keys. It wanted to work but it was fried... it couldn't so you threw it away.
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