mortality cartographer (beeooll) wrote,
mortality cartographer

I'm in again... expecting to go up for a bit. It was down hard this afternoon and was acting like a bottom so I got in and rode it up from it's low. I actually believe goal #2 was hit during the day but since the position is not closed no chickens will be counted. Still though, can't help but be pleased in that contained sort of way.

The dailies look bullish.. the weeklies want to turn. I said last week (8/29) that Thurs might be a turning point on the daily possibly weekly- It may go down but I think what I was seeing happend to time itself out to around 1pm today. A little early but I am in none the less... hoping for a nice ride up

I decided tonight that I would go through my credit card statements and make a list of how much I owe so I can begin visualizing the balances being paid. It sounds fruity but the last time I did that I was able to pay off 9 yrs of debt in 5 months. Reality can bend if you ask it to.

This morning's dream that woke me up really sucked. Truly bothered me... Sometimes people can be such a fucking downer... even in your sleep. I mean, I dunno... the women in that dream each have the notion that reality is what they see directly in front of their eyes- what they wear, what they drive, what they live in... and in that regard it makes their worth absolutely zilch.

Fucking imagination for crying out loud... we so rarely think about how important it is to look fucking beyond what has come to pass. People that can see only in the now- when I'm in one of those moods where I can see only in the now... it sad. It's such a fucking waste... I can't even appreciate how fortunate I am to have the things my attention would be focused on at the time.

Of course I can't articulate exactly what I'm thinking... I'm not sure how to. It basically comes down to this: Is the beauty in having something? Is the beauty in having something come to be on it's own? OR Is the beauty in doing what it takes for having something come to be and watching it unfold? I think it's the last one... even when doing what it takes only includes waiting and remaining consistent.

If you are surrounded by cars on the freeway going 75mph you don't stare into the review mirror! You must look forward, you must visualize... you must look toward where you want to be... and you certainly can't expect to pull over and have your destination arrive to you.

I dunno... I think I've written about this before but somehow it blends in to all of this- there is no difference between the past and the future. They are both thoughts... simple as that.

Why am I ranting? I think I need to remind myself... not only how people prove their character when allowed to but also where my attention needs to be; where I need to be... in thought and in action.
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