Today sucked but could have really sucked a hell of a lot worse. I felt bad about the whole leaving the golf tournament deal (since the moment I got in the car)... I actually got called into the prez' office over it. According to him, my absence showed negative light upon him. I understand that someone said something or some such - even then I cannot truly imagine me being significant enough in their scene to create negativity by my inaction... particularly during a weekend while people are throwing up in his front yard. Regardless, I explained about being lost and how when I finally found the place that I was frustrated and decided to go to the office and try to get some work done. He was a bit taken by that last tidbit apparently. I further explained that I had recognized how much work he had been putting into the events of the weekend and had really wanted to see the fruits of his labor.
Somehow my frustrations regarding the change in our agreement came up. I have no clue how... I guess it's my one track mind that is to blame. We discussed that and according to him the upward bound end of the year goal on salary is still in place. Having experienced the last place of employment there is part of me that questions if I won't be layed off after the bulk of the work on these first projects are complete, just before year end. That's the paranoid in me popping out though.
Don't get me wrong, I definitely did not come off as Mr. Badass in our conversation... I was choked up, babbling, and actually began to tear up when he communicated his disappointment- since I was a kid I've always internalized criticism and amplified it... plus- I simply hate it when I disappoint.
I'm learning something though- sometimes those looks as though I am from Mars are not because I am a freak, it's because I can be quite a surprise.