mortality cartographer (beeooll) wrote,
mortality cartographer
beeooll

Things people experience yet will rarely admit to strangers

Hit snooze 37 times. Get out of bed. Cig. Shave. Brush teeth. Shower. Get Dressed. Put neighbor's newspapers on his welcome mat so they are within reach from his door. Drive. Cig. Turn on computer. Sit dazed. Cig. Sit dazed. Lunch. Cig. Sit dazed. Cig. Sit dazed. Turn off computer. Drive. Cig. Unlock door. Turn on computer. Sit dazed. Dinner. Sit dazed. Cig. Sit dazed. Cig. Brush teeth. Meditate. Sleep. Repeat.

I stayed up too late last night for absolutely no reason. This morning I thought about calling in sick (with anthrax or something).

Earlier in the week I noticed an overwhelming amount of stress with no apparent cause- enough so that I literally had terrets like outbursts (thankfully while alone). The therapy for that was screaming at the top of my lungs with the windows rolled up while driving down the freeway - hey, it was a release.

I feel like crap for feeling like crap. I don't get hungry I only begin to get weak and nautious. I'm lucky to get in one good meal a day because I simply have no care to go through the trouble of figuring out what I want and wasting the time to eat it.

Oddly I'm not depressed, I'm tired of feeling no reward - ever. I'm tired of being forced to deal with stupid bullshit because of people around me being as frustrated with themselves as I am and not having the courtesy of keeping to themselves with their stupid shit, stupid shit, stupid shit, stupid shit, stupid shit, stupid shit, stupid shit, stupid shit, stupid shit, stupid shit, stupid shit, stupid shit, stupid shit, stupid shit, stupid shit, stupid shit, stupid shit, stupid shit, stupid shit, stupid shit, stupid shit, stupid shit, stupid shit, stupid shit and not acting out in overly passive aggressive methods of expression.

Keeping it inside isn't good... nor is slicing open wounds on others either.

What am I writing about?
Nothing. I'm just not anywhere I can scream.
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