mortality cartographer (beeooll) wrote,
mortality cartographer
beeooll

Peace be my guide

Yesterday - Quite a bit went on... overall a decent day. Work ended with "happy hour on the roof" at the office.

The building I'm in is really interesting in the fact that there are three semi startup companies, all technology based, all with a really sweet market niche, and have so far been able to continue in spite of the economy. Interactive television, home and environmental monitoring and automation, and application services for auto retail.

Anyway, so after happy hour I went to the grocery store, ran into a helluva deal on some tender loin steaks that I plan to cook tonight, came home and ate.

While I was eating I was also preparing to clean the bathroom and run the vacuum. I really couldn't get motivated to do it and I couldn't help but be really pleased with my week. I worked hard and got a shitload done, I have been working toward diet modifications and adhering to that extremely well. Cleaning the bathroom on a Friday night? After a week like that it needed some sort of reward. So I remembered that I still had 1/2 of an x that I had split quite a while ago. I figured that after I cleaned the bathtub, if I took it I would have just enough time to sweep the kitchen and bathroom, clean the cabinet, clean the toilet, and vacuum before it kicked in.

Needless to say I took the 1/2 pill, got everything done and was able to take a shower... mid shower it kicked in. What better time possible could that of happened right? Under the water, almost completely clean... wow what a feeling.

So there I was feeling the overwhelming peace; the medicine to remind you of what's possible everyday emotionally. It was so awesome that it was really more like a vacation and learning experience (as always) than it was intoxication.

I happened onto the couch in the living room where I bounced between meditation and watching some old MTV unplugged that they had going. The closest thing that I can describe my X experiences as would be prolonged "prayer." Recognization of gratitude. Peace. And that's even with "low" (half pill) dose like last night. With a full pill it's that but intensified to nearly painful.

Anyway.. enough of that... I realized last night though that although I am really frustrated oftentimes with the way shit is going and more often than not I feel my hands are tied, also the fact that I am gripey about what really is stupid shit in the grand scheme of things, overall this is the happiest point in my life to date. I only really answer to a few people that although I have taken some issues with, are really some nice people. I create and think for a living and I do enjoy a certain amount of freedom that a good lot of people never experience yet while completely under the illusion of full freedom. In other words, it's good that I want more but if I cannot be thankful for now then more will never satisfy.

Experiences like that remind me how important it is to drive, enjoy the ride, and as long as you are pointed in the right direction and still going forward, the mathematics of the universe will get you where you need to go. Of course that's a metaphor. Whether it be love, whether it be self fulfillment, as long as you are pure in thought and pure in action, the actions that are your expression of self will alone never be wrong. It's really a beautiful thing.

I thought about not sharing this entry. The substance has such varied connotations depending on the person and the fact that I have become so comfortable with the psychedelic experience that I can allow my body to prepare for it while carrying out household chores does indeed open itself to eyebrow raising and ridicule - I'm beginning not to care though, today at least my eyes are of a child's.
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