Juggling at work between code and charts. I'm staying occupied and things going well with the market. Closed out one position and added another. At the moment I honestly have not a clue what direction it will take before end Friday but the weakness toward the end of today points to at least a little bit more down into tomorrow. That's what I'm looking for at the moment. Also though tomorrow is likely to be a short term turning point, never the less it should be interesting.
I'm going through some scenarios over work, the expected due date on the projects, the planned raise... It keeps calculating out to where I am going to loose. Whether it will be no raise, or a layoff, I really don't know. I have absolutely no indication from them that they anything but love my work and input. It's possible I'm just being paranoid but the funny part about my paranoia is that it normally predicts outcomes.
I'm working on the above not bringing me down. I'm trying to get into a position mentally, emotionally, physically, and financially so that if shit goes down- I can act with confidence and minimal fear. I guess this feeling that a shoe is about to fall is the product of experiencing Thanksgiving through April.
Presently I'm doing all I can do. I'm busting my ass for them. I'm back to the market analysis. I made enough with the first position this week to justify bringing in a rt data subscription. I want this. I will not give up.
That doesn't mean I'm blindly marching toward the goal. I'm full of fear. Not fear from all of the Anthrax bullshit and all of the alarmists rantings over terrorism. Those items are things that although do add to the chaotic sensation are not what frightens me. What I worry about are things like not being able to uphold financial obligations and being walked on without the option to give the finger. It's really funny how both combined can turn each into a reality.