mortality cartographer (beeooll) wrote,
mortality cartographer
beeooll

  • Mood:

Stuping to unparalleled amounts of low quality ridiculous content, whining, and ignorance.

I reminded myself today why I have eliminated my friends one by one without seeking new ones. Of course you have the garden variety geographical displacement, lack of similar interests, and simply growing apart. But I have always entered an extreme discomfort after getting too close... or not just getting close but the likely hood as things go on that I get myself into a shitty situation because of something I say or do because of only halfway thinking. One might normally suggest that disregard of consequences can be therapeutic... I agree... as long of course you are not among the lucky few that finds your foot obtaining a perfect resting position in your mouth.

For the longest time I looked toward silence as a safe guard against procurious situations. It works great... One problem though... you don't make waves without breaking the water.... whether it be inside your head or in the world around you.

Like it or not, as much as I hate a lot of the material world... hate sans many of the comforts... I am here and I have to figure out a way to survive in the often confusing complexities that have evolved into what we call modern society. On that scale I am not yet where I need to be.

God fucking damn it I hate feeling like I just landed here from another galaxy... when it comes to people I truly do. I like to believe that my silence and time of listening and watching has given me time to gain a database of behavior models to fall back on when peeps would through me for a loop... Normally it works surprisingly well as far as predicting outcomes and reactions and understanding ~why~... well, pretty much always it works out... I guess the confidence in that "system" I've put together combined with my often times aloof approach when dealing with humanity is what throws everything apart. haha... I've fucking lost it!

Oh well.. it's not the success or the lack there of, it's the effort, Right??? haha... tell that to the astronauts immediately after their space shuttle explodes.

Anyway... regardless... I have two choices.
1.Crawl up in a hole and die.

2.Look the ugly truth in the mouth and keep chiseling into a relatively semi social being... that's a long long road isn't it?

*banging my head against the wall*

Good news... All 1550 frames of Digital Still are covered... some polishing, some tweaking, some adding, some deleting, and hopefully I can finish by Friday. So far I'm really happy with it... I haven't seen anything else quite like it done with flash... I can imagine though that it will be easily mistaken for a narcissistic self tribute but ya know... I'm kinda short on models at the moment and for that matter it sure as hell ain't going to be some lame ass rap video. Music prolly just as bad though ;-)

Tell me... am I suppose to have this weird buzz after pouring my head out on the web? Feelin kinda TrIppAy!
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