A lot is going on that I'm looking forward to but for everything that I am reaching for, each has tremendous costs... some of which that I'm not sure that I can afford - emotionally or financially. Although I'm stressed beyond imagine, I'm going to keep pushing because I know how persistent I can be... and I have nothing else but drilling to keep my mind occupied.
I'm embarrassed to admit this but I have to get it out. Every time I make progress, I assess my self response to, "If I could die right now, if the lights would go out and I would pass, would I take that over instantaneously having everything in my wildest dreams?"
My preference since childhood has been an end to it all.
I think I'm exhausted.